Sunday, March 28, 2010

Random Funny Things My Mom Says - Part 5

By special request - another Mother story.

One day my Mom and I were having lunch when she keeps staring at my chin.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I see a double chin," Mom said. "You'd better start exercising again." Visions of jumping in the air and smacking myself on the chin fleeted through my head.

"I am dieting, I gave up donuts," I said.

"But not brownies, cookies, chocolate, or cupcakes," she said as she pointed to my pantry. "Double is bad. Double chin, double belly, double self. Everything double is bad."

"You're exaggerating..."

"I'm not! Double patties, double chocolate, double by-pass heart surgery, double trouble. See? Everything double is bad. One day your husband will look at you and think, hmmm, I need a new wife. That would be double wife. That's bad."

"That's not fair, he's got a bit of a double chin too!"

She nodded sagely. "Double standard. I told you everything double is bad."

Damn, she's good.

15 comments:

Girl with One Eye said...

THAT IS AWESOME! I think you need to give your mother her own blog! She cracks me up and...she has a point about the double thing.

I think double wife was the funniest.

Indigo said...

Well you've heard about, 'Double trouble' right? Your mother is hilarious and yes, she's good. (Hugs)Indigo

Peter Dudley said...

Double wife. Double standard. El, this is not only possibly the deepest, most poetic thing I've ever heard, but it's also insanely well written. I am afraid ever to meet your mom, you, or your kids. I would be so outmatched. Reverend Dude approves.

Solvang Sherrie said...

You're mom is hilarious! That's awesome :D

North said...

Nicely done.

laughingwolf said...

yup, nothing like double trouble ;) lol

mama is one smart double dipped chocolate cookie! :O

writtenwyrdd said...

Your mom is GOOD! Double wife, double standard...Screaming fits of laughter.

moonrat said...

heeheehee this is a good one

Avery DeBow said...

Your mom's a sharp one, that's for sure.

士凱 said...

thx u very much, i learn a lot

寧年 said...

一切與生俱來的天然贈品,時間最為寶貴..................................................

Vijaya said...

Can I borrow your mom? Just double her. I miss mine.

Demon Hunter said...

Bwwwaaaahhhhaahhhaa! I love your mom. LOL.

Aniket said...

They should totally make Meet the Ha-Oh's. You have one hilarious family!

Kiki Hamilton said...

double standard - omg! that is funny! I love your Mom already, even if she is trying to get you to diet!

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