Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Rotten Egg

Da Man had a bad day Tuesday. He woke up in a bad mood and took it out on everyone. Yelling at every single one of us and making all the girls cry right before school. He was supposed to go to work late and attend Youngest's cute little muscial concert that morning, but he was so foul I told him he didn't have to go and HE BELIEVED ME!!! And so he stomped off to work like the nasty ass Troll he had turned into. I took a whimpering Youngest off to her concert where she perked up in time to turn in a terrific performance which I taped but have not yet shared with Da Man who shall henceforth be referred to as the Troll.

I picked up the girls from school and as they ran to the car, Youngest shouts, "First one in the car is a rotten egg!" as she runs into the car first.

"No silly! It is last one in is a rotten egg!" Oldest says.

"I mean, last one in is the rotten egg!" she corrects herself.

"Mommy's the rotten egg!" Youngest shouts with glee as I drag myself into the car.

After everyone is buckled in, Angus has apparently been mulling over the rotten egg business.

"You know, Mommy really isn't the rotten egg in the family," she says quite thoughtfully. "Daddy should be the rotten egg cause he yelled at all of us, even Mommy, I heard him!"

"Yeah! He yellded at me too!" Youngest says.

"And me," Oldest sighs.

"I know!" Angus says. "When Daddy comes home we'll all ignore him and not talk to him, ok?"

They all agree eagerly. I don't say anything because I have already made up my mind that I was not speaking to the Troll for the rest of the day. All afternoon, the girls are giggling about how they are going to ignore Daddy when he gets home. When finally they hear the door open and Daddy comes upstairs, they quieten down right away.

"Hey," the Troll says as he looks around the room.

Oldest and Youngest studiously ignore him. I turn my back on him. But Angus takes one look at him and screams, "Daddy you are the Rotten Egg in the family!!!"

And with that the girls fall down like a house of cards as they explain to him how he mean he is and what he has to do to make it up to them. As the Troll apologizes profusely to them and tries to avoid actually giving into blackmail involving new DS games and pokemon cards, he tries to apologize to me. I ignore him. The girls become suddenly aware that Mom has turned into an Ice Queen. They are now watching fascinated as the Troll tries to hug me and extort my forgiveness. For the sake of the kids, I give him a half-assed pat on the back and subject myself to his hug. Satisfied, the Troll heads upstairs to change and I turn back to washing dishes. Behind me I hear Angus say, "Mommy is still mad at daddy." Oldest agrees and says, "I think Daddy is sleeping on the floor again."

Oh yes, my girls are smarter then their Daddy cause the next morning, Daddy was in a bad mood again, but this time from sleeping on the cold hard floor. HA HA!

28 comments:

Chris Eldin said...

LOL!! You're lucky the gals outnumber da man in your house!!

I have two boys. Okay, three including DH. If I turn my back and be mad, nobody even notices. I have to whup some serious ass to let them know they've done something wrong. (okay, okay, Just kidding!!!)

Funny post, Ello!!
:-)

JaneyV said...

I know I shouldn't laugh at marital discord but you are so funny! HA!

Oh Da Man - sorry -Troll probably hasn't a notion what he's done wrong. Men don't get the subtlety of the silent treatment - give it to him straight
"If you take your lousy mood out on us - that makes you an ass. If you behave like an ass you will be treated as such and you will be sleeping on the floor. - Oh and it is NEVER ok to miss Youngest's concerts. EVER!"
I worked out a looong time ago that it's better to settle differences before going to bed. This is because my Hubby can fall asleep if you take a pause for a breath. He's amazing. So if my point needs to be made so I don't go to bed seething - on no account must T be in a comfy position. He can sleep through anything but if I'm mad then I can't sleep. So that whole punishment thing just doesn't work for me. The only way to punish him is to keep him awake till I feel better.

Mary Witzl said...

This made me laugh, Ello, as did JaneyV's comment. My husband can fall asleep even if he is in an uncomfortable position. Yessir: he's a real champ.

My husband would understand yours. He too wakes up in a bad mood on occasion and has been known to troll about himself. We don't let him get away with much. I take his side when the girls are being hard on him or have trashed the bathroom, but when he's in a REALLY foul mood, he's on his own. I think he would envy Chris's husband, being, like yours, outnumbered by females. Fortunately for me, I don't get into REALLY foul moods myself. Also fortunate is the fact that I'm writing this comment myself...

Precie said...

LOL! That poor man is totally outnumbered. And those girls are wicked smart! :) I agree with jane, though, that men don't always seem to remember the "You NEVER miss Your Child's {fill-in-the-event}" Rule.

I fully expect your girls will soon compose a poster listing House Rules defining Rotten Eggs. LOL!!!

The Quoibler said...

Ello:

I really cracked up at this one!

But watch out... when you're in a bad mood, what will the kids say? :)

Angelique

strugglingwriter said...

Funny post, but probably not at the time.

I suppose I've been The Troll from time to time.

I'll just ignore all the generalizations about men in the comments here :)

Bernita said...

Of course, he's not, or you wouldn't still be living with him, but my first thought was "abusive BASTARD!"

Ello said...

I'm sure all of you won't be surprised to hear that the Troll is now being very good. VERY VERY GOOD! I'm not sure how long it will last. However, I don't think it will be so easy to forgive missing Youngest's musical concert. Perhaps a diamond might ease the anger...

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh, that was so funny though, as Janey says, I'm sure I shouldn't be laughing at marital discord. But you do have such a way with words and humour. Brilliant post.
And let's face it, the poor Troll is a bit outnumbered - muahahahahahaaa!

Anonymous said...

"Men don't get the subtlety of the silent treatment" Beg to differ. My asshole bio dad gave the mom unit the silent treatment for six months once. Plenty of people know the effect of the action, even if they don't get why the person is mad (or even if they are mad/hurt/whatever).

writtenwyrdd

Melissa Marsh said...

Hahahaha - I LOVE IT. Darn right he should sleep on that cold hard floor!

Charles Gramlich said...

As Ron White says in his comedy skit. "Diamonds.......that'll shut her up."

Sorry, couldn't resist. he said it, not me.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to everyone for their loving support and understanding.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, for Ello and all those who suffer similar fates from time to time and on behalf of all of those guilty as I, you have my sincerest apologies.

The Troll (aka Da' Man)

Anonymous said...

. . . so can I go fishing now?

Da' Man

Aerin said...

Bwahahahaha can I go fishing now?

No.

Hey Ello, I'm joining the ranks of the rotten eggs and tagging you.

Mom In Scrubs said...

What, no Make Up Sex

Stephen Parrish said...

Troll: I can't help notice we didn't get to hear your side of the story. I'm outnumbered in my house too. And it gets worse when the mother-in-law visits.

Hang in there, buddy.

Laura Jane Williams said...

What funny children you have!

Erica Orloff said...

Ello:
Wait? Is your Troll a bigamist? because I have an angry Troll, too.

E

J. L. Krueger said...

Da'Man,

Obviously you didn't receive your manual...the one that says: "When the ladies say it's OK if you don't do something", what it really means is: "Your ass is in deep kimchee if you don't!"

Hang in there...I'm outnumbered too now that oldest boy is out on his own. I can count on a tie if I include the dogs, but they studiously avoid any arguments, so they aren't much help.

jason evans said...

Those girl seem smarter than both of you. Watch out!

They knew exactly what they wanted to gain from their silent treatment. Mom...not so sure.

Yes, with those troops staring him down, Da Man is in deep doo.

Mary Witzl said...

My husband would like to have a quiet beer with your husband. He feels he could offer a sympathetic ear.

SzélsőFa said...

it's amazing how a kid can be totally careless in one moment and completely aware of fine actions and subtle hints in the next.

Patti said...

i can't tell you how many times we played this game when boy was growing up. i have spent plenty of days as the rotten egg. oh the humiliation!

Travis Erwin said...

The floor? I would be grouchy the next day I'd be in traction.

Remind me not to get on your bad side.

cindy said...

HAHA! you cannot put *anything* past the girls!! =D and may troll morph back into da man again soon--it is a full moon, no?

Jennifer L. Griffith said...

What a RIOT...the poor Troll likely had NO idea what awaited him in his House of Estrogen! Too funny!! Look out as your girls get older... and hard to believe, much wiser. You have some smart girls...look out for the tween and teen time.

Danette Haworth said...

HA! Life's small victories!

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